An interview


An interview


An anonymous member of the Victorian Liberal Party caught up with another member.

“There’s been a lot said on the record,” they said. “But perhaps there are a few things needed to be said that can find their way out there.”

I nodded. I think I understood why I was having this conversation.

We were sitting, eating together. We’d made a lot of small talk about Queen Elizabeth. The interviewee settled in to tell me about Jane Garrett, and how she’d been brought up by parents who had austere eating habits.

“She made up for it in Parliament, there are stories.”

I nodded. We needed to get to the juice.

The conversation moved on to Jess Wilson. My interviewee had some choice names for her.

The media had reported that Jess Wilson had publicly berated the current member for Kew, saying that his views did not reflect the views of the electorate.

“Shameful,” I agreed. “No class there.”

Apparently rumours have been circulating about Jess Wilson within the party. Not because she is a woman, but specifically issues relating to the same problems some other MPs had with accepting hospitality from certain quarters.

I was told not to say where, but it is fairly well known within the party these days.

“Serious accusations,” I repeated.

The conversation then turned to the current member for Kew who has been described as a “loyal servant of the party”.

“I found it incredibly distasteful that the member for Kew was being backgrounded against by the then Chief of Staff Mitch Catlin. Catlin was sending journos messages saying that Matt Guy did not support him staying in Parliament. Matt Guy didn’t even know about it. For a start, Guy is not half as bad as the factional spin machine makes out. Guy didn’t know, it was all Catlin. Catlin hated the party. Everyone hated him, MPs, Admin members, the Secretariat, you name it, no one could stand him.”

I frowned. So Jess Wilson is just rubbing salt in the wounds of Catlin’s victim?

“It gets worse. Jess is saying that there is a deliberate plan to sabotage her campaign. The only issue people have is with David Davis. Jess is a nobody in State politics. Davis has been around for years and has dozens of enemies. I know there are people out there who funded a candidate to run in a preselection against Davis, that’s how much there’s going to be sabotage.”

I asked what form the sabotage might come as.

“No one wants to undermine Guy, of course, and we all are supporting candidates in must win seats. Here, in the East, my SEC is benefiting from quite a few donations. But Davis has so much baggage, I would not be surprised if he is forced to withdraw.”

“That would be interesting,” I said.

The conversation turned back to Jess Wilson.

Jess Wilson has stated in the media that one of her focusses is dealing with climate change, which puts Ms Wilson at odds with her climate change denying husband Aaron Lane. Her position would be an impediment to Aaron Lane’s association with centre-right economic policy activist group the Institute of Public Affairs.

“I’m not a member of the IPA,” my interviewee said. “But plenty of members are. It will be awfully hypocritical to support Jess Wilson.”

Apparently the current member for Kew is moving the UK.

“He wants to get in with the new King,” I suggested.

“This is hardly the man who is sitting around in Kew plotting to undermine Jess Wilson,” my interviewee said.

“Matt Guy can thank God that he’s been having a fair run in the media. The youtube advertising is having an impact. The core stuff is looking good, we have access to the information through that system. Wishlist items are being ticked off daily. The biggest problem at the moment is the State Director and his unicorn girlfriend.”

I must have looked puzzled.

“Yeah, the State Director has been at it again,” my interviewee explained. “His latest squeeze, Olivia Harrison, she calls herself the Social Unicorn. He hired her to work at headquarters after working for the Teals.”

“What, the Teals?”

My interviewee insisted it was true.

“It’s being brought to Admin’s attention,” they explained.

“Did Sam know this?”

“Sure. What does he care. You know all the party’s artwork is being done in Manilla, right?”

“Do they know English?”

“Not very well, it seems, which is why the Ditch Dan graphics were made with the wrong colour red.”


“They forgot to put the authorised by line on there too, that’s why complaints were made to the VEC.”

“What was the fallout?”

“The usual. McQuestin just said it was a communications breakdown.”

“I bet.”

“I believe they are being fined for that. Ian Anderson is doing backflips. Oh yes, and Ian Anderson buggered up the Ditch Dan, after he accidentality allocated the wrong donations to several MPs. Some party members made donations to the party directly, not through the website during the Ditch Dan fundraiser, and those funds went into central revenue. No wonder they called Tony McKenna in from retirement.”

I shook my head for the twentieth time.

My interviewee looked at their phone. “Looks like they are getting Mia Shaw in Werribee.”

“Who’s that?” I folded my serviette slowly.

“I’ve got a friend there. Says it’s a factional battle between Guy and Quick. The usual.”

“The usual,” I repeated.

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