Robert Clark in hiding


Robert Clark in hiding

Young Liberals are asking “Where’s Wally?” after Robert Clark has been missing in action for days as the election pushes into top gear.

Robert Clark is harder to find than a working microphone at State Assembly, or, as a Young Liberal said, harder to find than Alan Tudge on Mothers Day.

After spending hundreds of thousands of the party’s funds, prosecuting multiple failed investigations and chasing numerous good members out of the party, Robert Clark has run the Victorian Liberal Party into the ground, and now has gone to ground himself.

Robert has disappeared while candidates have been front and centre — the perpetually young Zoe McKenzie (look out Jane Hume!), the hot-to-trot Keith Wolahan (look out Canberra!) and market gardener Aaron Violi (look out South East Asia!).

Some have suggested that Robert Clark is writing his last will and testament while he hides in his wife’s broom cupboard, while others have said that Robert has been seen slipping off dressed like a hobo in Gardiners Creek Reserve, hoping that the CIA don’t find him.

Robert Clark is nervous that a poor showing this election will end his terminally ill career as president of the once great Liberal Party.

Even Ian Quick, one time bosom friend and counsellor, has turned his back on the politically untouchable Robert Clark. Some have even called him “Rob Stark”, a man who is about to be spectacularly shot down by his own faction.

Robert Clark has been noticeably missing from the media, emails and party activities. Perhaps he has “political COVID” and needs to isolate from scrutiny like poor Albo did the other week.

Party members are hoping that Ian Quick is GPS-tracking Robert’s mobile phone, although a missing State President does open the floor for rumours for his replacement. Unlikely candidates are already being suggested, with top favourites in Young Liberals chat including a former Upper House MP like Bernie Finn or Inga Peulich.

Will Robert Clark be seen again like a John Howard book? Can he salvage anything out of his scuffed tenure?

Maybe it is better if Robert Clark stays missing.

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