The race for Kew

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The race for Kew

Kew was once a blue ribbon seat, home to the Q Society and running track for Tim Smith MP.

How things have changed. Tim Smith has flown the coop leaving the local party members squabbling over who will take his place.

A carless Tim Smith has run off to London with a special leave pass from attending Parliament. Everyone is expecting the announcement for a by-election which makes the Liberal Party preselection fight all the more desperate.

THE TOYOTA HILUX JESS WILSON

The Murdoch press is being briefed by Josh Frydenberg in favour of former Elizabeth Couchman prize winner Jess Wilson. Ron Wilson is certainly eager to run vicariously through his daughter. Well placed Liberals say this will be a lease of life for poor old Aaron Lane who has been eking out an existence ever since Denis Napthine fired him for homophobic tweets.

THE HOLDEN STATESMAN DAVID DAVIS

Veteran upper house MP David Davis has been glad-handing the Liberal grandmothers of Kew, hoping to get their support. There isn’t an octogenarian who hasn’t shared a wine with David as he puts into operation his shiftiest political manoeuvre yet.

David Davis believes that Matthew Guy will lose the next election. He believes colleagues will then rally around “experience, knowledge about the local government planning scheme and a monotone delivery style” to put him, King David, as the future leader that will take the party to success in the 2030s. The only catch is the Liberals of Kew have to vote for him first.

THE LAND ROVER LUCAS MOON

A new face is the well credentialed returned serviceman Lucas Moon who served in East Timor, former labourer, building construction manager and RSL heavyweight. Lucas believes in sensible equality, diversity and wants to move away from anti-democratic trends besetting our institutions. He has support from soft lefty Tim Costello and from softening centre right independent Jacqui Lambie.

THE AUDI Q5 MONICA CLARK

Another personality to come to the fore is lawyer Monica Clark who is not related to Robert Clark. Monica’s family has grown up enough now to give her the opportunity to concentrate on politics. Other unknown candidates are Felicity Sinfield and Michael Sabljak.

Tim Smith doesn’t care any more but the press and political observers are going into overdrive.

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