Tim Smith seeking personal guidance

Tim Smith seeking personal guidance

Recreational politician and professional drinker Tim Smith has come off second best in a tussle with a Hawthorn fence. The so-called colt for Kew has created even more damage to himself than his luxury jaguar after his drinking session with “friends”.

Tim Smith MP allegedly is currently laying on staff member Caroline Inge’s couch at her private residence, apparently talking to a personal guidance specialist from the Anglican church.

Things are not looking good for Tim. Many Liberals have felt Tim is a self-promoter while he single mindedly attacked Labor and Michael O’Brien in equal measure. Now the boot is on the other foot as a long list of enemies are releasing their fury pent up over years of what some would call obnoxious posturing.

Mr Smith will have an interesting time convincing preselection delegates of his merits in retaining the seat of Kew.

One sharp minded Kew resident suggested he should count the number of panel beaters and fencing contractors who are Liberal Party delegates in the leafy streets of his moneyed electorate. While he can be certain they approve of his automobile tastes, many are concerned whether they can afford to insure their property.

Tim Smith’s arrogance and belief in himself as being above the law is nothing new to those who have watched him over the years as a Member of Parliament, and before that in local government.

The toff former rower, while diminutive in size, spent his local government days shirt-fronting opponents in a manner that would be befitting British rugby players.

Tim has modelled himself on alleged drunkard Boris Johnson, and with a pretending British accent he swanned about London allegedly with Alexander Downer and other privileged ex-pats.

Tim’s biggest backers, Treasurer Josh Frydenberg and Opposition Leader Matthew Guy, have inherited the hot potato they put in the oven a few years earlier.

The perennially single man of Kew with crumpled jaguar to match immediately bunkered down at Caroline Inge’s house having one or two more for the road … until reality came crashing down. Tim had to even be told that he needs to send a grovelling apology to the family at the home he crashed into. In the meantime, Caroline has been sending out texts from Tim’s phone, attempting to save themselves from the worst fate.

Sympathy is in short supply for Tim Smith among the wolves of the lefty press pack, who were very happy to receive his confidential briefings about Michael O’Brien and his relatively incompetent supporters. But now his former drinking buddies are not paying for the last round, believing his career mortally damaged.

The press have been eager to get any dirt on the glassy eyed Tim Smith after he made so many enemies within the Parliament. And there is dirt for them to find, with an array of former friends ready to tell all.

Whether or not Tim can survive challengers and calls for his resignation remains to be seen. At best a likely extensive spell on the back bench leaves him little capital to trade. But things are not looking good.

In the coming days Kew delegates can expect impromptu and perhaps unwelcome requests for coffee from the ailing member. As the preselection opens up many party members are looking for options as they feel it might be time to euthanise the colt who didn’t get away.

Names early in the mix are former Scott Ryan bus boy and alleged racist Daniel Bevan, sound ideologue and soccer coach John Roskam, and neighbouring nutter Ian Quick. Others are even throwing out names like Peta Credlin and Geoff Gledhill.

Where to from here? It is a hard learning experience for Tim, but it might surprise everyone that he grows from this experience, and comes out a full foot and one inch taller.

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